Mrs. Smoot's Shimmering Poetry Hunt

Shimmering Poetry Hunt, Inc.
1 Iambic Avenue
Hope Springs, Kansas

Dear Shimmering Poetry Hunt, Inc.,

Please find enclosed my entry in your free international poetry competition. I love to write and I love my pet cat, Foofles, so I put the two together and wrote a poem about Foofles! Hope you like it!

Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet,
East Buggsa, Vermont

"My Sweet Foofles"
by Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet

Oh, how I love my Foofles,
she is so very pretty.
Also, she is very sweet, too.
In other words, she is a sweet and pretty kitty.

Oh how in sunlight doth she glisten
in her hues of black and also there's some orange.
In moonlight doth she listen --
Hark! I cometh with her dinner through the door hinge.

Thank you,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet


Dear Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet,

Congratulations! Your luminous poem, "My Sweet Foofles," has been selected as a First-Round Winner in our 2007 International Poetry Hunt! Our Editors were moved by the Mood and the Bold Imagery of your work, especially the Deep Love and Ardor conveyed by your Faithful Passage through the door hinge!

Your Poem, Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet, will now be entered automatically in our Second Round. The poems in that round will be the best the planet has to offer -- like yours! -- and so the Competition will be tough. Many poets like to give their creations the Best Possible Chance by having their Shimmering Creation rendered on High-Quality Vellum in Beautiful Calligraphy by a Gifted but Nearly Blind Monk on the Island of Corfu. To order, simply send a check for $29.95 in the enclosed ORDER envelope.

ALSO, as a First-Round Winner, your Lush and Verdant creation, "My Sweet Foofles," will automatically be PUBLISHED in our 2007 Shimmering Poetry Hunt Treasury. This gorgeous, leatherette-bound Volume will be available to all of our poets for $149.95 each (limit twelve per poet).

With luck, "My Sweet Foofles" could streak like a Dazzling Comet through the Azure Sky to become our Grand Prize Winner and receive a Grand Prize of $10,000! Don't delay! Send in your ACCEPTANCE form, your ORDER SHEETS and your checks or money order today! And once again, Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet, thank you deeply for making our world a more Shimmering Place by creating your magical creation!

Poetically yours,
Byron Wordsworth-Browning, editor


Dear Mr. Byron Wordsworth-Browning, editor,

Oh, how you have brightened my day! I went out to the post box by the hard road with my beloved Foofles by my side, of course, and inside the box there were the bills, of course, and the Reader's Digest and whatnot, and I almost missed it but there it was your letter on the elegant paper with the news that "My Sweet Foofles" is a first-round winner! Well, I raced back home and first thing I called my sisters, Jilly and Ruthie, to tell them the big news and weren't they thrilled (and jealous! -- yay!). They always say I have a way with words (and sometimes talk too much HA!) but they never DREAMED I'd be a winner in such a big contest! Well, take that, girls!

Please put me down for three of the 2007 Shimmering Poetry Hunt Treasury's (one for me and one each for my sisters -- just to REALLY make them jealous!). And yes, of course have my Shimmering Creation rendered on high quality velma by that monk in Corfu. Poor man. Along with my checks and all, I'll send along some carrots straight from our garden for him (I'm told their good for the eyes).

Thank you so, so much, Mr. Wordsworth-Browning! I'm so excited I think I'll go into town later and have a MALT!

Poetically Yours too,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet


Dear Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet,

Congratulations! Your poem, "My Sweet Foofles," has been selected as a Second Round winner in our 2007 Shimmering Poetry Hunt! You're now one step closer to International Acclaim and the Grand Prize Check of $10,000!

And here's some more Exciting News! Second-round winners are eligible to have their Poems carved into ancient Lava Rocks unearthed in West Greenland specially for Shimmering Poetry Hunt! These rocks are among the oldest ever found on Earth!

Talk about Etched in Stone! You don't get more Timeless than that! Just slip a check or money order for $629.95 into the ORDER envelope and let our Artisans get to work! Congratulations again, Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet, and on to the Third Round!

Yours through the Ages,
Byron Wordsworth-Browning, editor


Dear Mr. Wordsworth-Browning, editor,

"Bliss was it that dawn to be alive." Isn't that beautiful? I clipped it out of the Reader's Digest yesterday. It's by an Englishman named William Wordsworth, who might be a relative of yours, come to think of it. Small world! Small and blissful!

And what bliss you have given me, Mr. Wordsworth-Browning! First, the way that blind monk drew "My Sweet Foofles" onto that fancy velma was beautiful! I sure hope the carrots helped!

Second, Yes! please do have "My Sweet Foofles" carved into those lava rocks up in Greenland. My star and garters, what an honor! I'm sending in my check for $629.95 along with a couple pecks of garlic from our garden. I know what hard work it is, hauling heavy stones around, and my home-grown garlic is very good for backaches. I hope it makes your poor Artisans feel better!

Yours throughout Time Eternal,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet


Dear Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet,
Congratulations! Your Mystical Creation, "My Sweet Foofles," is now a SEMI-FINALIST in our 2007 Shimmering Poetry Hunt! You are now just two steps away from International Acclaim and the Grand Prize Check of $10,000!

But the competition is getting fierce! We have received Thousands and Thousands of brilliant poems from all around the Globe! Many of the Semi-Finalists feel it's important to wow the judges by having the World-Famous Blue Angels sky-write every precious word of their poems across the Heavens! What an exciting opportunity! Just imagine, Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet ... there! ... up in the sky! ... "My Sweet Foofles"!

Just kiss a check or money order for $4,389.95 and deposit it lovingly into the ORDER envelope today!

Yours on high,
Byron Wordsworth-Browning, editor
P.S. to Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet: Please do not send any more vegetation to our home office. Our attorneys warn that the garlic was borderline harassment.


Dear Mr. Wordsworth-Browning, editor,

How do I love this contest? Let me count the ways! Apologies to that lovely Elizabeth Barrett Browning! (Another relative of yours? My land, what poetic forbears art thine!)

I'm just thrilled to be a semi-finalist! I never imagined that "My Sweet Foofles" would take me thus far. As for the sky-writing by the famous Blue Angels, I had quite a discussion about it with Mr. Smoot (my husband). He feels strongly that the Blue Angels fly jets and jets don't sky-write. Also, he's concerned about the money, of course. But I said don't be an old fuddy duddy, this is my big chance and I'm going to take it, even if it means emptying the cookie jar. So here's my check for $4,389.95, lovingly kissed, along with a jar of my foot poultice. I know those nice jet pilots often get swollen feet and even nasty embolisms sometimes. The poultice is made of mistletoe, nettle, rue and fenugreek. (Left out the garlic, as you requested!)

Yours on high also,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet
P.S. Mr. Smoot insists that I ask where my Greenland lava rock is. Is it on root, he wants to know? Thanks! Sorry!


Dear Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet,

Congratulations! Your Transplendent Creation, "My Sweet Foofles," is now a FINALIST in our 2007 Shimmering Poetry Hunt! International Acclaim and the Grand Prize Check of $10,000 are now just a gossamer breath away!

At this point in the contest, FINALISTS like you, Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet, are being offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have your Priceless Poems LAUNCHED INTO SPACE! That's right, through an exclusive arrangement with NASA, brave Astronauts of the Shuttle Atlantis will memorize YOUR WORDS and, once In Orbit, will speak them into the Cosmos! Just imagine a fine American, not unlike Tom Hanks, orating "Oh, how I love my Foofles / she is so very pretty" etc. TO THE STARS! It's a simply galactic offer -- that's what it is.

To get on board, simply write a check for $6,989.95, sprinkle it with prayers and launch it into the ORDER envelope. And let the countdown begin!

Yours in Deep Space,
Byron Wordsworth-Browning, editor
P.S. to Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet: The substance you sent with your last payment has been studied and found to be non-toxic, although highly odoriferous. As such, we will not instigate legal action at this time, although further postal assaults will be dealt with most harshly. You are hereby advised to consider this a SECOND NOTICE.


Dear Mr. Wordsworth-Browning, editor,
Oh, my gracious, I cannot believe I am actually a Finalist! I'm the talk of the town, that's for sure. Pastor Wilkins even mentioned me and "My Sweet Foofles" in his sermon on Sunday. I'm having a terrible struggle against the sin of pride, that's for sure!

The only sorrowful note is that I will not be able to send in the $6,989.95 to have a real astronaut speak my words into deep space. Mr. Smoot has finally put his foot down and will not budge. I'm so sorry because I think it is a lovely honor and I do so like that nice Tom Hanks.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and wish me luck in the final round! I can hardly sleep!

Yours forever and ever,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet
P.S. Mr. Smoot is now quite peeved about the missing lava rocks. Could you please check? Thanks and sorry again!


Dear Mr. Wordsworth-Browning, editor,

I bet I know what happened. I bet the post office lost your letter. It happens sometimes. Just last month Marge Bibey's pension check didn't arrive so we brought her enough casseroles to sink a frigate!
Or maybe you forgot? People do sometimes.

Or maybe you're trying to spare me the pain of finding out that "My Sweet Foofles" didn't win. If that's the case, please don't worry yourself sick about it. Just going all the way through to being a Finalist was honor enough to last me a lifetime!

Whatever is the case, thank you again for all your lovely letters, Mr. Wordsworth-Browning. It has been a true delight corresponding with you.

Just in case it's forgetfulness, I'll enclose a tincture of motherwort from my herb garden. It's good for memory and for blood pressure too!

Shimmeringly yours,
Mrs. Rosemary Smoot, poet
P.S. Don't worry about the lava rocks either. Mr. Smoot drew "My Sweet Foofles" into a hunk of Vermont granite for me with a Magic Marker, and it's just fine.


J. Mudcat Miller