A. Relationship, socialite, dies at home, age 14

A. Relationship, a noted participant in the local club scene, died unpleasantly at its fashionable Upper East Side apartment Tuesday evening. Relationship was 14.

Relationship was born in the Senor Frog's bar in Playa del Carmen in February 1994. Its parents, Jack and Jill Partner, were vacationing separately at the time, met, shared an estimated five giant Senor Frog's margaritas and conceived A. Relationship later that night. Friends described it as a "joyful" and "slaphappy" birth, although details were hazy.

Upon returning to the city, the Partners and their infant Relationship traveled back and forth between Mrs. Partner's studio apartment in Chelsea and Mr. Partner's pigsty in Washington Heights before deciding to pool their resources and move to the trendy East 80s. This led to the usual haggle over furnishings, which was decided by having all of Mr. Partner's trappings hauled to the Brooklyn landfill except for his classic rock CD collection and a somewhat attractive Queen Anne highboy he had inherited from his mother, the late Molly Coddler of Hempstead, Long Island.

Once settled, the spunky Relationship quickly became ubiquitous in the UES social arena, seen almost nightly at Iggy's, Hooligan's, Aces and Eights and other in-spots. Photos often appeared in the tabloids, not always in the most flattering poses, such as the 2002 public urination incident and the resulting garbage pickup shot that was used by the city to advertise its Creative Sentencing campaign.

"A. Relationship can't be judged from the outside," UES celeb/sex authority Sally Jesse Raphael told Tickled Pink magazine last September. "The Relationship you see might appear to be reeling, spinning madly out of control, passing out in cabs, but inside there may be genuine caring and mutual respect." Last night she was reportedly "stunned" and "saddened" by Relationship's demise.

Insiders say the downward spiral began a few months ago, when the Partners began to grow apart. "She wanted more, more, more," said close friend Liza Minelli. "More bright lights, more fun, more everything! And more fun! He lost his job. What can you say? It wasn't easy to sustain A. Relationship in that whatever. Environment."

Mr. Partner was a broker for the hedge fund VisionAerie Technologies, recently hit with fraud and conspiracy charges by the SEC. He is as yet unindicted. Mrs. Partner is currently residing at the home of billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein.

A. Relationship is survived by the Partners and Ugh, their pet Puggle. A memorial service will be held tomorrow at Smithers Rehabilitation Center, 58th and 10th. Donations may be made to Dr. Phil McGraw's Rescue Retreat and Smile Factory.


J. Mudcat Miller